Personal rant

"crazedclay: SBC murderer" (crazedclay) 02/23/2014 at 13:18 • Filed to: None

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So have this as compensation, which by the way is my dream garage and my dream car. I'd host dinner parties in that space. Such class:

Or have some hockey if you don't want to read about relationship stuff:

So yeah.

I posted a picture on Facebook. Kind of speaking to my views on interrelations between guys and gals, and the friend zone. Rarely get a reply or a second thought on this sort of stuff but today was the snapping point. Be wary. Go no further. You have been warned.

This would be the picture.

Kind of how it can go, fairly often. As a patron saint of friend zone, and the standard bearer, I have a horse in this race. Fixing beautiful women's relationship woes since 1984.

Anyhow

I get a reply from one of the girls.

"Ya because he was ugly and stupid."

Oh.

Rage over generalist troll.

A reply from me.

Ahem. You know what, we aren't.

I'm not, at least. My ass is financially stable, fit, not into drugs, well employed, smart, educated, rich family, and by and large emotionally stable.

I have respect for women. I have a large modicum of respect for intelligent well put together ones with manners and grace. Especially those. And so it goes that most of the women in my life end up following a path similar to the image included. So what is it? Cause it aint just ugly and stupid. I don't know many people who keep ugly and stupid around just to call them to complain about what douche X is doing to them, or to have them pick up the pieces.

So. Is it the inability to be a raging douchebag? Is it that some of you womenfolk all throughout growing up have been exposed to nothing But d-bags and have formed some sort of heteronormative expectation that only allows those to be visible as potential mates?

And in the same light have absolutely no fucking idea how to proceed when presented with the alternate? Don't worry little grade school Suzy, he pulls your hair, throws you down, and calls you names because he likes you. Fast forward twelve years and it's a kid in the basket and child support, and perhaps some nice bruises too because the past has dictated the future.

So No. It sure aint just ugly and stupid. Maybe, if that's the case, I should give up. Start making shitty promises I can't keep. Getting physically and mentally abusive. Being flashy with the rent money. Buy a big tee-ruk and get some guns (edit: no offence to the gun lobby, just a talking point for contrast, the majority of gun owners are responsible). Because if that's how it has to be, man oh man shit is right fucked up. Because here I sit, the go-to for fixing other people's fuckups in this arena. Being the shoulder, the confidant, the whatever. And it rips my fucking heart out to see the gifts a good woman can bring, that would be cherished and nurtured on my end, throw asunder by shitheads who make tall promises and then disappear when they can't so much as live up to them as be expected to know what love actually is. Fuck your explanation. I'm sorry for the rant, but it sure ain't just ugly and stupid, and it is a massive frustration.

*crickets*

*facebook friend count drops one digit*

So much for easy like sunday morning.

Brian Silvestro > crazedclay: SBC murderer 02/23/2014 at 13:22

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This needs to be FP'd to Jezebel!

Preach!

Big Bubba Ray > crazedclay: SBC murderer 02/23/2014 at 13:27

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This is why I'm going to stay single for as long as possible. Less crazy ass women and more money for my cars.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > crazedclay: SBC murderer 02/23/2014 at 13:29

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You are absolutely right! Im not the perfect looking guy. But im responsible, caring, and a good guy. I work to have some money to spend when I want? I make car payments and insurance amd all that stuff.

Girls say they want a caring guy amd looks dont matter. It is all utter BS. Its not true. Id have a gf if that was true.

Girls dont care about personality or that, they like looks. I could act like a dbag and waste all my money and act like a dick, but it isnt me. Yet girls like that, even if they say they dont.

It pisses me off since Im a good person. I end up helping others with their issues but I cant do anything.

Sorry for rambling.

Arben72 > Brian Silvestro 02/23/2014 at 13:29

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Oppo-Jezebel relationship would be absolutely insane. What would happen to us if they found the nsfw threads...

Thisnewformatisrubbish > Big Bubba Ray 02/23/2014 at 13:29

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Stay the course. Do it for the rest of us.

Brian Silvestro > Arben72 02/23/2014 at 13:31

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We'd be hunted, tortured, and mutilated.

BugEyedBimmer - back in the Saddle Dakota Leather > crazedclay: SBC murderer 02/23/2014 at 13:31

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It's been my experience that when you're willing to stick around and be their crying shoulder, that's the position you stay in. The only way I ever made it out of the friendzone is by telling those women that if they can't see what they have right there in you, that she's a person you don't need in your life.

You will piss off a lot of your female friends that way, and some will even call you a jerk for it. But the fact of the matter is you're looking for a mate, and your time is valuable too. If you're friends and that's understood on both sides, that's fine. But don't sit around with an unreciprocated love waiting for her to come around. You deserve better than someone who doesn't respect themselves.

awe46m3zcp > crazedclay: SBC murderer 02/23/2014 at 13:34

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Im going to help you out here. Women like a challenge. As much as they say they want a perfect, sweet, romantic guy its not true. Putting them on a pedestal is THE WORST thing you can do. You never want a woman to get comfortable in a relationship. They thrive on something to work towards.

TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma > crazedclay: SBC murderer 02/23/2014 at 13:37

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First of all, I know you're frustrated, but I'm glad you're confident in your life and its stability, really.

I've been in your position, but have since accepted that the "friend-zone" is something men make up, not women. It's a self-destructive mentality that you get hooked on due to your frustration. I apologize if what I'm going to type will make you upset, but I've had this same conversation with a buddy of mine and it pissed him off, but made him think.

Women do not go for "douchebags." That's an entirely subjective, highly opinionated comment by you. A fella you think is a bad dude might be the perfect guy for girl you happened to be interested in. There's nothing wrong with that. You have to understand that the woman can make her own choice and if its not you, you have to accept it. Sure it's not what you necessarily want or like, but that's what she does.

Assuming that all of these "douchebags" are physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive is entirely a generalization. I even agree with you that it is puzzling why some women stay with a man that would beat her. But that's where to guy-friend comes in.

You.

You are there to help her, most of the time it's not duking it out with the 2 ton stack of meat that is her boyfriend but helping her get through those hard times. That's rewarding. The friend-zone isn't bad, it's your stubbornness that is.

Maybe your friendship will evolve, but it won't happen by idly standing around and hoping she runs into your arms and covers you in embrace, if you care enough about her, dare to step over the line. It will be crushing if you're wrong, but such is the nature of love.

SkarTisu > crazedclay: SBC murderer 02/23/2014 at 13:41

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I've been in this spot. It's frustrating. A few quick bullet points for consideration:

- Their behavior isn't your fault, or your problem
- If they're capable, they grow out of the "bad boy lusting" phase around age 35 or their second divorce, whichever comes first. Some aren't capable of growing out of it.
- Their use of you as an emotional crutch shows that they're not a considerate person. In that case, do you really want to spend your time around them?

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > crazedclay: SBC murderer 02/23/2014 at 13:46

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This is why I'm happy I'm getting married in April so I don't ever have to worry about this shit.

RMudkips > crazedclay: SBC murderer 02/23/2014 at 13:52

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I'll be honest, I just came here because Kenmeri and hockey.

Hindered23 > crazedclay: SBC murderer 02/23/2014 at 14:06

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I certainly didn't want to see Canada celebrating over the best country evarrr

Saracen > crazedclay: SBC murderer 02/23/2014 at 14:10

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Yep. This happened to me a month ago.

PS9 > crazedclay: SBC murderer 02/23/2014 at 14:18

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Quit your whining.

That's coming from a place of love, not antagonism. The concept of 'friendzoning' is problematic for many reasons, but going on about it is harmful mostly to you and no one else. You are not in any 'zone'. The relationships you form with others are voluntary and partly by your own design. If you find the connections you've formed with other people unsatisfactory, then leave those people be. Continuing on with it is your choice. They don't exist for your exclusive convenience, and aren't obligated to better suit themselves to potential roles you want them to play in your life.

1) No One Is Obligated To Do Anything For Anyone.
Please take note of this one, because it is non-negotiable. The only way a person (male, female, whatever) has any obligation to do whatever it is you want them to is if they themselves agree to do that. A woman only owes it to you to be sexually involved in a romantic relationship with you if she has in fact agreed to do that. If not, then being a 'nice guy' wouldn't count. Being a 100-time over Olympic gold medal champion who just eliminated cancer, war, poverty and figured out fusion and unlocked interstellar space travel would also not count. If you are not good enough for a specific person, you are not good enough for a specific person. Period. End of story. Move on.

2) The Agency of Other People is As Valid As You Own.
If "Why are you fucking some random douchebag?" is the question, the correct answer is, "Because he/she meets my needs in a romantic or sexual capacity in my life.", and that does not become invalid because you don't like it. That does not become invalid because you don't think it is the wisest of choices. That does not become invalid because you see yourself meeting those needs instead. You need that other person's consent and agreement to do that, but the validity contained in that consent does not evaporate the moment someone else you deem unworthy gets to have it.

3) Don't Like The 'Friendzone'? Then Don't Volunteer For It
If friendship with people you are attracted to doesn't work so good for you, then don't volunteer for it. You aren't obligated to be in any kind of relationship with anyone, so stop acting like it. You aren't a victim, which is a good thing, because 'victims' are by definition subject to forces beyond their control. Whether or not you will spend your time and energy with a given person is totally within your control. So use it.

4) Your Inability To Get Laid (or get a Girlfriend or whatever) Is Exclusively Your Fault.
Hey, while you're burning time and energy sulking in the imaginary friendzone pining over people you can't get, you know what you're not doing? Mingling with others. Developing an attractive persona. Sharpening the social skills you need to detect potential sex partners (as well as learning when/how to make a graceful exit or absorb a detonation). Becoming a person worthy of the massive time/energy commitment needed for a relationship, because by default, you're not. No one is. So what are you going to do about it?

Whining about how unattractive you think you are (through these silly pictures on FB or what/wherever) isn't attractive. You're not making any progress that way. The friendzone victimology is only good for keeping you in one unsatisfactory place, and you will stay there the rest of your life without making a serious time/energy commitment yourself to change that. You can cry about not getting any from the women in your life, or you can commit to changing yourself in what/however way you need to produce the result you want. You can have one or the other, but not both, so which is it? You're not immortal. Clock's ticking.

bob and john > crazedclay: SBC murderer 02/24/2014 at 09:36

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hehe.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > PS9 02/24/2014 at 19:20

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themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > crazedclay: SBC murderer 02/24/2014 at 19:26

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I'm going to tl;dr this right here, right now - Everyone has an experience like this, both men and women. You'd be surprised how often there was a girl who really wanted to get to know YOU but because you were off staring at the other girl who was thinner, prettier, smarter, blonde-haired, etc...., she couldn't get to you. And now? You just got your taste.

Welcome to life, my friend. Put the shoe on the other foot - if there was a girl you had zero interest in but was willing to play video games with you and cook for you, you'd probably not mind her being around. But if one day she came forward with feelings for you, would you go out with her? And if you answered with yes, I know you're a lying sack of crap. Which is fair though, you don't have to go out with who you don't want to. Just understand it goes both ways......like a bisexu-.....Oh I won't go for the low hanging fruit :P

But really, your rant comes off as the following comic. Hopefully you just needed to vent, and if you did, then go have a drink, wrench on a car, watch a movie, or something, and let this blow over. Otherwise, the future is not pretty for you.